Secret Plans and Menacing Plots

The homeland of the humans and location of the Telerfret city Ingolé, the Larkant city of Mahtar, the Everni city of Nandine and the ruins of the capital city of Sanga

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Secret Plans and Menacing Plots

Postby Stevie » Tue Dec 03, 2013 1:14 pm

Things happen all the time. It's the nature of things and the nature of time. Generally, the important things choose certain moments of when to appear. For instance, they rarely occur when your prepared. They're also known not to bother people on the toilet (it's just rude), instead they lurk around, waiting for you to get comfortable. It's for this very reason that things are known to happen when you're sat in front of a nice warm fire, drinking a throat-warming whisky and enjoying a view of the local wenches in a tavern. In truth, Damn should've known better, but sipping a whisky on the toilet doesn't quite cut it, so sometimes you have to take the risk that things are going to happen.

"HELLO SIR!" Peddy beamed, smiling from ear to ear. "My name is Peddy, but people just call me the Irregular Peddler!" (Not to be confused with his twin brother Paddy, the Peculiar Irrigator, whose penchant for maze-like Irrigation systems caused the failure of several farms stupid enough to employ his services.)

Damn sighed, putting down his Whisky with the hope that this might be over quickly.
"...What can I do for you then Peddy?"

"It's not what you can do for me! But what I can do for you!" Peddy exclaimed, in fact he almost always exclaimed. Always! "See! I'm in the business right now of selling topical things!"

"I see.. What's topical?"

"Well it means the things that people are talking about, the stuff that's in fashion."

"I know what topical means. What are you selling that is "topical"?"

"Oh, you'll love this. I'm selling Secret Plans and Menacing Plots"

"What for?"

"Well for your enemies"

"I don't have any."

"Sure you do, everyones got them. They're all the fashion. Some Orc cut you up in line once? Well, they are you sworn enemy. Some Elf look at you funny a while back? Racial Enemies since the dawn of time.. I'm telling you, everyones doing it. You don't want to be the last of your friends without a sworn enemy to wage war on. The best thing about these Secret Plans, is that they're all filled in already, you just need to fill in the blanks where it says "Enemy = _______"".

"What about forgiveness"

"Whoa whoa, no. No. No. No. Forgiveness is lame. No one is forgiving anymore. That just sucks."

"Well, I'm not interested"

"Are you sure"

"Very sure"

"But everyone needs a mortal enemy!"

"I'll pass.."

"You can't pass!"

"I just did"

"Hmrph.. good for nothing Fey cock." Peddy muttered, heading over to another patron.

Damn took out his journal, took another sip of whisky and began writing. My Secret Plans and Menacing Plots again my sworn enemy Peddy the Irrefutable Pain-in-the-ass.

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